Right before reading this post I read another Substack post. The author wondered how a good boy raised in a nice Republican family could turn from all that to an ideology that led him to kill an innocent person. As I read I had the thought: Could a factor be that he switched from one form of certainty to another, never allowing self-doubt to rear its discomforting head?
Thank you Alan. This is so real and messy. I have recently been involved in really tough conversations on ministry topics and my "internal unbelief" is/has been a living threat to my convictions and call to engage in conversation. But it is messy, because I am in my head doubting (on one side being attacked by the Accuser and on the others side because I am a sinner) yet by God's grace I am acting and engaging in the conversations and "doing" what I believe that God has called me to speak and act on. It's like the enemy is across the table from my assurance (in my mind), while I am at the physical table convicted of the call to act across from an "image bearer" who is wrestling with the message delivered (in their own mind). BUT this is beautiful too, because apart from God's grace these conversations can easily devolve into division. This is hard, to be "doing church" in this way, trying to speak truth and love, while full on wresting with your own "internal unbelief" that you are doing the correct thing. These recent experiences in critical conversation have led me to trust that He is in control and also (in a way I need to unpack more) experience Christ in new ways as I become new in Him.
Great work brother... I have been reading but less writing back to you lately, seminary is kicking back off and summer with lot's of children is "busier" than a school year with lot's of children (how is that a thing?) and also hosting a Kings Kaleidoscope concert next weekend in our town. But this is well done work and I truly appreciate all that you do for God's glory; it is artful and beautiful.
Right before reading this post I read another Substack post. The author wondered how a good boy raised in a nice Republican family could turn from all that to an ideology that led him to kill an innocent person. As I read I had the thought: Could a factor be that he switched from one form of certainty to another, never allowing self-doubt to rear its discomforting head?
Thank you. I honestly can relate to so much of what you have written in this article.
Thank you Alan. This is so real and messy. I have recently been involved in really tough conversations on ministry topics and my "internal unbelief" is/has been a living threat to my convictions and call to engage in conversation. But it is messy, because I am in my head doubting (on one side being attacked by the Accuser and on the others side because I am a sinner) yet by God's grace I am acting and engaging in the conversations and "doing" what I believe that God has called me to speak and act on. It's like the enemy is across the table from my assurance (in my mind), while I am at the physical table convicted of the call to act across from an "image bearer" who is wrestling with the message delivered (in their own mind). BUT this is beautiful too, because apart from God's grace these conversations can easily devolve into division. This is hard, to be "doing church" in this way, trying to speak truth and love, while full on wresting with your own "internal unbelief" that you are doing the correct thing. These recent experiences in critical conversation have led me to trust that He is in control and also (in a way I need to unpack more) experience Christ in new ways as I become new in Him.
Great work brother... I have been reading but less writing back to you lately, seminary is kicking back off and summer with lot's of children is "busier" than a school year with lot's of children (how is that a thing?) and also hosting a Kings Kaleidoscope concert next weekend in our town. But this is well done work and I truly appreciate all that you do for God's glory; it is artful and beautiful.
Thank you. Sounds like you're doing a lot of wonderful but busy things right now. Try to get some rest!