Why It's Hard to be a Father

Which may say more about me than fatherhood or modernity

Photo by Ante Hamersmit on Unsplash

Being a father is difficult. I’m not saying it’s harder than being a mother; it’s not a competition. I’m just saying it’s difficult. I don’t know that it was easier in the past, although I suspect it was in some ways. All I know is it’s difficult. Here are some ways I find it difficult to be a father. Maybe they are universal to being a parent, maybe not. All I know is my experience.

It’s difficult to be present.

Nearly every influence in my life is calling me to be anywhere but in the present with my kids. The obvious culprits here are the internet and my smartphone, but even the concept of fatherhood itself tempts me to excuse myself from being with my kids so that I can work more to “provide a better life” for them. And added to that are the temptations to “make a difference” in the world, to achieve some measure of excellence (which I don’t take to be wrong, although sometimes misguided) which I can easily use as an excuse to ignore my family. And if we can just be honest, sometimes engaging with your children isn’t mentally stimulating. Try playing dolls with a four-year-old for more than 10 minutes and see how engaged you can remain. Or listen to a 12-year-old explain what they just did in Zelda. It’s mind-numbing.