It's hard sort of existing in a space where I want to try to use any critique of busyness as justification to go easier on myself against the anxious pressure of what one should do, and at the same time know I work a lot less or slower than peers, and often don't do all I should do - which feels like too much, and not enough, at the same time. And naming that discomfort feels like or is a kind of special pleading, retreating into pain as a defense against responsibility that feels unbearable.
Thanks for the new term "Acedia" Alan. You really got to the heart of the matter with this one.
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Enjoy your vacation. The book I use with coaching clients to help with this is Minute of Margin by Dr Richard Swenson. Highly recommend.
It's hard sort of existing in a space where I want to try to use any critique of busyness as justification to go easier on myself against the anxious pressure of what one should do, and at the same time know I work a lot less or slower than peers, and often don't do all I should do - which feels like too much, and not enough, at the same time. And naming that discomfort feels like or is a kind of special pleading, retreating into pain as a defense against responsibility that feels unbearable.