I'm Not a Handyman

Maturing as coming to terms with your gifts and weaknesses

Photo by Todd Quackenbush on Unsplash

My father was a bodyman. He repaired cars. My grandfather on my mother’s side did the same. My paternal grandfather was a bus mechanic. I teach literature. Growing up, my father taught me to run electrical lines, repair plumbing problems, build room additions, build fences, pour concrete, change tires, change the car oil—to do virtually everything that could be done on our own in the home or with cars. Today, I mostly pay people to do those jobs for me. During all this formative training, I rarely if ever felt a sense of accomplishment or satisfaction or pleasure. My joy came from people, ideas, and cultural works: books, music, and movies. And this made me feel inadequate and anxious as a teenager. I thought I should feel a certain way as a man. I should enjoy and be good at fixing things. But I didn’t and I wasn’t. I could do the work and understand it, but I had no natural aptitude or joy in it. The work was just something to be endured so that I could get back to what I loved. Looking back, I value those hours working with my father. They were precious times that I took for granted. But they didn’t turn me into a handyman in my home. They were part of a painful process of recognizing that there are some things I am not gifted at. And I had to learn to be okay with my weakness despite the familial and societal pressure to be a certain kind of man.

Maturing as a person involves accepting that God has given you certain gifts which you are obligated to exercise to your fullest ability, and that you will have some weaknesses or challenges which you are obligated to learn to live with as best you can, without making excuses for them.