Alan, I’m so grateful you picked up this question. My own wrestlings with it have lead me to the exact place you went in this piece - the idea of the two greatest commandments as a kind of spiritual “north star” for our living as bearers of God’s image. Your “what to do” list is a very good one, and yet I’m going to propose an addition that, at first, may not seem loving or virtuous at all, but I believe is. It’s “ Understand the spiritual damage lovelessness causes, and do all you can to protect yourself and those in your care from its malformative work.” In my own experience, and in talking with many others who’ve shared it, the experience of despair as you’ve described it is but one of a host of symptoms that point to the havoc that lovelessness within the nuclear or spiritual family wreaks on a person’s heart, soul, mind, even body. I believe this is precisely why Paul adjures the Corinthians to have no fellowship with someone who simultaneously names the name of Christ and yet is verbally abusive (a particularly harmful form of lovelessness).You are literally protecting people from harm.
The question of how to do this protecting when the loveless person is a parent or a spouse, let alone when the lovelessness is a byproduct of something like autism or a mental illness is for a different day. But I think it’s important to name.
Alan, I’m so grateful you picked up this question. My own wrestlings with it have lead me to the exact place you went in this piece - the idea of the two greatest commandments as a kind of spiritual “north star” for our living as bearers of God’s image. Your “what to do” list is a very good one, and yet I’m going to propose an addition that, at first, may not seem loving or virtuous at all, but I believe is. It’s “ Understand the spiritual damage lovelessness causes, and do all you can to protect yourself and those in your care from its malformative work.” In my own experience, and in talking with many others who’ve shared it, the experience of despair as you’ve described it is but one of a host of symptoms that point to the havoc that lovelessness within the nuclear or spiritual family wreaks on a person’s heart, soul, mind, even body. I believe this is precisely why Paul adjures the Corinthians to have no fellowship with someone who simultaneously names the name of Christ and yet is verbally abusive (a particularly harmful form of lovelessness).You are literally protecting people from harm.
The question of how to do this protecting when the loveless person is a parent or a spouse, let alone when the lovelessness is a byproduct of something like autism or a mental illness is for a different day. But I think it’s important to name.
This is an important addition!
And it’s funny, because I do write about that dynamic (in a different context) for Monday’s post, but I overlooked it here.